upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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