dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
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