So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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