he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
