Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
