In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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