I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
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