Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
