me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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