i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
