I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
