Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
