just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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