hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
