i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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