I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
