I will die if light touches me.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
the day after is always just damage control
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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