This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
