I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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