i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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