My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
