One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
