I hope mine doesn't look like that
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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