when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
