My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
