we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
