My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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