Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
