If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize