if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
