i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
