nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
