Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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