Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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