Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
