Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
