I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize