no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
