i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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