My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
