Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
