I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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