i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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