Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize