I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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