Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
