I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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