so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
me + whiskey = a bad person
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
