I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
