I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Pants 0. Shit 1.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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