By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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