I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
