I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
