sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
