I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
