i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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