he confused my yawn for an orgasm
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize