Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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