Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
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