So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize