I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
