we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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