I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
