i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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