Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
