haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
