i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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