At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
