come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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