guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
